This New Way – the collaborative philosophy, process, the EQ and the healing.
Being collaborative is not about having a buzz word on your website, saying that you’ll behave one way, but instead you still do things the same way as always.
Being collaborative is a process, a philosophy, and a challenging but rewarding way of resolving conflict.
The Philosophy
Behind those drawn to be collaboratively trained is a deep desire to help, to serve, and to do good work. But there’s more …
There’s a desire to do no more harm to a family situation.
There’s a desire to work with a team of professionals in a respectful, problem solving way, instead of adversarially.
It values the experience and advice of professionals other than lawyers, and having fully informed clients.
There’s a desire to get the best possible outcome – but in the client’s eyes, not necessarily from a legal perspective.
It removes the idea of the advocate winning a client’s case regardless of the impact on the other parties involved, or even on the client’s emotions along the way.
The Process
Those professionals committed to a collaborative process will all sign an agreement that they will not represent the parties in litigation. Arguably, this requires a deeper ethical commitment than any other form of practice, because it truly commits lawyers in particular to the process.
Not only does each client have a lawyer, but there is also an independent financial advisor and an independent psychologist or communication coach in the professional team from the start. Other professionals may also be pulled in at various stages, to give advice to both parties and to talk to all lawyers.
The professionals meet together, separate from the clients, both before and after each joint meeting, to prepare and to debrief and to learn from each other.
There are multiple joint sessions, where the clients talk directly to each other.
Similar to mediation, all options are brainstormed, without the professionals judging or ruling out options. The clients then explore each of the options themselves, and which combination will work for them, taking into account the professional and financial advice.
The EQ
Instead of being part of conflict indirectly (through correspondence and with the strict rules of a Court), the collaborative professionals have to get comfortable with the emotions of their clients being expressed, and their own emotions.
Arguably the most important rule is that of the communication coach, so that all parties learn how to say what needs to be said. So everyone is heard and understood.
When uncomfortable things are said, the professional team needs to be empathetic enough to support and be aware of the importance of being heard and understood, and still being able to move forward.
The Healing
Sometimes the collaborative process is the first time that clients have seen adults resolve conflict with respect. The collaborative professionals set an example, and act as role models, so that clients can learn how to resolve conflict between themselves in the future.
Because underlying reasons for the conflict are explored, many assumptions can be explored and set aside. Perspectives can be understood.
The word “sorry” can be used. Forgiveness and understanding can develop.
The conflict can be truly resolved, instead of having a court-ordered bandaid wrapped around it for the wound to bleed again within months.
How challenging and rewarding this new way of practice is!
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